Looking in the Mirror: Practicing Self-Love Through Awareness

Looking in the Mirror: Practicing Self-Love Through Awareness

In this episode, the mirror becomes more than reflection, it becomes encounter. A simple exercise, looking at yourself and offering a smile, reveals how unfamiliar it can feel to truly meet your own gaze with presence and care.

Through this quiet and artistic practice, we explore the tension between self criticism and recognition, and what begins to shift when we stay with ourselves a little longer and look deeply into our eyes?

Inspired by Dr. Giulia Enders (based on an interview in the German Podcast Hotel Matze), we reflect on how easily we care for others, but how difficult it can be to give that same love and respect to ourselves. This episode is an invitation to turn inward with the same compassion. Pause, breathe and cultivate small rituals of selflove, including the grounding power of a personal mantra.

A moment of awareness. A subtle act of kindness. A practice of seeing yourself fully.

With care,

Valentine & Rebecca

Photo credit Ivana Dostálová, Traces of The Unseen, 2025
Music credit Andy Gallery

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Today, we wanted to kind of circle back to this topic that we brought up last time, self-love.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

And maybe we can start even with our little exercises. I don't know if all the listeners were following us on Instagram and sawing our videos. If not, this is a shout out. Maybe you can give us a follow, give us a like. But um in this videos, we were talking about the exercise we mentioned in The Art of Self.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

So we had quite a few exercises actually. We had the idea of smiling at yourself in the mirror. And I know, Rebecca, you engaged in this one. So tell us about it. How did it go? I did as well, but I'll share after.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Okay, wonderful. Yeah, oof. I mean, to be honest, it was very awkward in the beginning to wake up and then you see you look into the mirror, and the first thing you should do is to not judge you, smile at you, and try not to see, I don't know, your hair not sitting right, maybe a pimple showing um its face. I don't know. It was a bit difficult not to judge at first, but then I was like, okay, it doesn't matter, no one is here, and I'll just uh try it. Uh and I have to say, like the smiling part made me laugh quite a lot, and that was a good feeling. I mean, I wouldn't say I went out of this and say, like, oh, I feel so beautiful, I feel so loved by myself, but it was a happy, funny vibe many times. Like I did it several times, and yeah, it was a bit a bit hilarious. And I think if that's the outcome, it's also already nice, you know, if you can uh laugh about it yourself and not take you all the time super serious or yeah, in this judging phase. I think it's beautiful too. Um but yeah, that was my personal experience. And of course, for the Instagram video I did, that was a bit more um difficult. Um, I got help from my partner too. But uh yeah, trying to focus on still on the exercise and not about the surrounding is more challenging, definitely, than if you are in a private setting and you look into the mirror and you're just by yourself. No one else seeing you, just you.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

So you did it a few times by yourself and then you wanted to capture it in order to be able to share it on social media, and so you had your partner help you, but you engaged in the exercise again. So, what was that like to have someone witnessing that moment?

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Yeah, I felt a bit more pressured, I think, even though I feel very calmly, of course. Um my partner was super um, I would say serious about it. He wasn't like laughing or making any like big jokes, it was just basically recording. Um, and I think the way he was taking it was also helping me to focus more on the exercise, you know. Um but it was also a short recording, and we didn't do it for a long time, and then when my um kind of attention span was dropping, and I was like, okay, now it's I cannot, I just wanna uh talk and you know be in a different setting now. We stopped also and uh it was a short recording, but for that person uh like for that uh short minutes it was uh very fine and yeah, maybe a bit more pressure than alone, but he did a really good job and not trying to interrupt or engage with me somehow, like I was really able to focus.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

It's beautiful. I think that's interesting too, right? The dynamic of someone else watching, because of course, in the end, people would be watching, but to have someone there while you're in that moment, I guess I'm curious about what did it feel like when you saw yourself? Can you tell us more? Like, what was the feeling that came up for you? I know you said you weren't trying to judge yourself, you were trying to be open. What came up for you?

SPEAKER_01 4:14

I think I felt a bit strange. There's not so many moments when during the day I see myself really like I see myself usually okay in the morning after the shower when I brush my teeth and I have to fix my hair, put my makeup on, you know, but then I leave the house, and then usually I don't see myself again in the mirror. Um, just sometimes, yeah, when you go to the bathroom, maybe at work. I think taking really a moment and seeing, you know, and not just having a quick look and focusing on something else, but really like trying to see the whole of you and not just, you know, the makeup part or like the hair, for example. That is uh very different. I realized also I got older. I don't know. It's like I remember this um memory now in my head that when I was a young girl, I had this more often that I watched myself in the mirror and I was like, hmm, how am I gonna look when I'm older, you know, especially because I was playing a lot with my puppets and oh, with my best friend, we came up with hilarious stories. We had like this game called teenagers, you know, when we were very young. And I remember I have this one yeah picture in my head where I was really just sitting again in front of a mirror as a child, and I basically did the exercise without knowing that my future self would do it. But there is some kind of tensity in the room. I don't know, when you really just focus on this, and then again, I think the tensity, one of the reactions I had was then to smile because it was also part of the exercise, but also part of the uncomfortableness, maybe, you know. I think um sometimes when you feel uncomfortable or not very good in a situation, some reactions can be smiling or like laughing.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

I don't know if you ever had this that I always I've had this many times where people say, This isn't a good situation. Why are you smiling? And it's a trauma response. Like you smile, you learned how to smile, and it just never goes away. And I feel like I'm always smiling, and even when I'm not happy or when I'm really uncomfortable, I'm smiling, and I'm like, Why am I smiling? And I remember a long time ago a therapist telling me, just like, you do you don't have to smile now? And I'm like, I can't not smile.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Yes, it's very true. You said like it's some kind of trauma response, but I think so too. It's like something some things can get so uncomfortable that it's a reaction of your body you cannot even steer or control anymore, it's just happening. Yeah, and so I knew the exercise was about to smile, but it was also kind of helping me to overcome this awkwardness. I don't know, it was different. And where did your attention go? So I started to focus first on different parts, I think. Um I mean I was looking in my eyes, and as I said, I tried to look at the whole picture, but I think in the beginning, yeah, more neutral from my face and the expression, and then yeah, I switched to the to the smiling part, and I realized how much I get more loose, and my body felt a bit more relaxed and not so okay. I'm looking in into myself right now. I'm curious, how did you feel about it? Uh, you said you also tried it.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

I did, and it's interesting. I I would kind of put this out to everyone who's listening is you know, if you haven't tried it yet, please do just stand in front of a mirror, look, and smile and see what happens. Notice, don't guide your attention somewhere, but just notice what naturally happens. And I'll say, if you haven't done it, maybe pause this and go give it a try and come back. But I will share mine now. So for me, it was interesting because first I was looking at my smile. I was like, okay, I'm smiling, yes, I'm doing it, and then it was like, okay, I'm looking at myself. So my attention was really in my eyes. It was a bit shocking for me as well, because I realized that when I was looking in my eyes, I had to acknowledge what I was really feeling, and not necessarily positive emotions, but just the what I was sitting in. And there was a kind of no escape from that acceptance, you know, like there was no walking away or like smiling through it, which I literally was doing. I was smiling, there was an honesty in my eyes, right? Like a um a recognition of what I really felt, and I couldn't escape it. And it was interesting, and I was able to honestly smile from that to say, like, yep, that's what it is, this is where I am, and just accepting that. And it it was a it was interesting because I don't think I looked myself in the eye in that way in probably quite a while. Some kind of a layer of protection or yeah, we don't how often do you really look closely into your own eyes? I mean, do you ever do it?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

No, that's the thing, you never really do it, right? Like, unless, as I said, unless you put some mascara, maybe. Right, right. But um, that would be also interesting to ask people who don't use mascara, like or makeup, you know, if they ever look into the mirror for like close close-ups. Also, that reminds me of how close did you sit in front of the mirror? Because I think it's also changing. I realized I had my focus also on the eyes, but I was more far away. I was able to see almost, yeah, almost my whole body, I would say, like up until the knees.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Yeah. And I think that that's different as well. If you would be holding a handheld mirror, something small, like a compact in your hand and looking, it would be a very different experience than what I was doing, which was standing in the bathroom close to the mirror. I intentionally came closer and I really smiled and watched myself. And my attention, like I said, first went to the smile and then it was in my eyes. And once I caught a glimpse of my eyes and I can really see what I was feeling, it's confronting to see yourself. It's such a close you see others, you see friends, but you never really see yourself this way. So I thought this was a very insightful exercise, and I would really recommend it to our listeners as well to give it a go.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Yeah, it seems so simple, but it's so um powerful, right? And I really think um, at least with the few people I was talking about, there were also some people who were kind of afraid of doing this. And as I said, this uncomfortableness that I felt, they already kind of thought they were gonna feel it. Uh, and I think it's really because like during the day we never do it, and that means for me also that we are more like judging on how we feel, we don't really see okay, the the different layers of us from the outside perspective. We are really more focused okay on the inner part, maybe um, because we don't have this vision, like I mean, unless you have a mirror everywhere, but yeah, um during the day kind of fades away, and the only thing that stays is like your eyes on your own body, what you can see when you know put your hands in front of you um or looking down on you, but you don't see the face. I think the face makes the difference.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Yeah, and I think it's that um that intimacy that you feel with yourself in that moment, right? It's very striking. And I mean, I don't want to belabor this, but I really think that it is something very eye-opening not to um, you know, but really it it is special to see yourself in that way. So I would really recommend that you do give it a try with whatever you can, whether it be a small mirror, but I would recommend really a larger mirror, getting nice and close, having a look and seeing what that experience is like without a goal in mind, right? Because usually when we come to a mirror, as you said throughout the day, okay, we're washing our hands, or we do a quick check, like, oh, do you know, do I have something on my face? Oh no, or you know, it's this kind of um critical lens, whereas what we're doing here or what we're suggesting is just an open, just an opening of a moment with yourself to notice and connect with yourself because our bodies are there for us throughout the the day, throughout life, throughout whatever it is that that is guiding us, you know, in everyday moments. So it's doing a lot for us. So to kind of come in with a little bit of self-love and appreciation and um yeah, and see what happens, just see what you notice. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah, lovely. I I agree, and it would be lovely to hear also from you if you want to share how it made you feel. You can type it also as a comment under the video that we posted. Yes, but yeah, there was also a second exercise, and that one we did when I was still in Czech Republic. Maybe we can have also some discussions on this, right? We prepared the table of all the findings that we found on our walk through the park. I forgot the name again.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Lou Junki. But if you don't sure what exercise we're talking about, you can go back to the previous episode and check it out. But basically, we had uh a moment, so we suggested that people take a time for themselves, head out wherever you are. It doesn't have to be a park as we did, it can be just a walk around your neighborhood, uh, on your way to work. Just take a moment to again to notice, right? Without expectation, just notice, bring yourself into that moment. And I know this all sounds so simple and so obvious, but when was the last time you did it?

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Good question, and also while you notice, try to see the beauty in things. Like we were really on an unpleasant day there, it was cold and snowy and frosty, and on first sight nothing was really pretty as such, but then when you look longer and when you have some patience and when your creativity kicks in, you suddenly realize oh, it's there's some nice little structures and silhouettes and colors, and things suddenly become more pretty than than they are.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Yeah, and it doesn't, and I think sometimes it doesn't have to be a positive emotion that comes, it can be any spectrum of emotion that arises, like to be open to it. Of course, it's wonderful when it does go that way, and that's what happened to us on this walk where we were really cold and it was a little bit like off, but then as soon as we started noticing, it did open us up in a new way, and that's our hope as well that it could open you up in a new way, right? To anyone listening. So to take that time for yourself, go for the walk, notice, um, bring your attention to the present moment and what you might discover. So I still have it here in my studio. I have the bowl with some beautiful leaves, and I kind of put them aside to treasure them because they they're drying now. But um it was really nice to even now when I look back at these artifacts or these special items that we selected, uh, I have memories of them, right? Uh-huh. I remember when my son picked this up and he was talking about it in this way, or um, oh, you know, I remember when I walked up to the tree and I noticed this item and I touched it for the first time and how squishy it was and the sensation that it had, you know, against my skin. And so it could be like the sensory part. What do you what are you thinking, Rebecca?

SPEAKER_01 16:46

I agree. I think it's a lovely idea you had them safe now and that they dry. It's so funny for me because I love flowers and um plants in my house. And I remember that um it's just a side story, but that someone told me it's not good to have dry plants. And every time I get like this beautiful bouquet of flowers, I usually have it so long that they dry, and sometimes they look super pretty to me, and I I let them stay, you know, until I feel like okay, now it's time they go away. But I really like uh dry flowers for me, it's like kind of a prolonging life, uh, even though of course it's sad because they were cut, but I see it the same with these artifacts, and you save them, and also when they dry, the shape changes again, right? Yeah, um, a little bit like in life, you know, we also go through different changes, and um yeah, I mean we can talk about after death and everything, but let's not go that deep for now. But uh, I just think it's a nice uh way of still putting some kind of attention to something that maybe has passed the the lively stage, but it's still somehow with us, you know.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

I love that, it's beautiful. And I know that you mentioned that you wanted to talk today a little bit about something that you discovered, and I feel like it really ties in when we think about um good giving everything a go, right? Giving what you feel the chance to come. So trusting your gut.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yes, that's a good hint. Yeah, so I was just recently listening to a podcast episode. Uh so at this point, a little shout out to the German podcast Hotel Matzum, and uh he's a very famous um podcaster and he's interviewing different uh popular people. Um, and the episode that I was listening about was with uh Dr. Julia Enders, and she's super popular in Germany as well. She was writing a book which is called Guts, and in German Damm with Charm. So maybe you some of you know this. Um and it was a really nice episode leaning towards self-love, I would say. Um, it was called What Will the Kur uh What Will the Body Tell You, or What Does the Buddy Tells You. Um, and her um kind of thought into it was that a lot of people are always living more in the outside than in the inside. And what she wanted to tell with this is that when we have a friend who feels bad, for example, what do we do? We take care of that friend, we listen, we respect, we give a hug, we take care in the sense of maybe making a nice food or providing some tea, you know, something that is really comforting the friend. But in many, many times when we feel bad, we don't do these things, you know. A lot of people have these very self-destructive thoughts, or they procrastinate and they just eat, you know, unhealthy food, they go on social media, you know, to calm all these negative thoughts when you feel bad, and you know, to just um disrupt these negative loops. But it's always better, of course, if you also treat yourself with care, with love, instead of you know, just numbing the voices. Um, so that was a bit of her appel, at least that's how I took it, and I think it was super beautiful, and I saw so many similarities um to our topic of self-love. So, yeah, at this point, I would really like to encourage you to take care of yourself, to listen to your body, to treat you nice. You know, today I was mentioning actually I felt a bit low energy, so I went to have a bath. Um, so nice to be in my bathtub and like have the warm water on my body and feeling calm and not trying to push through and say, like, oh, but I really wanted to do sports. No, if your butter is signalizing you something, then you should listen to it as well, right? Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

And I felt that too. I had um I had gone to yoga today, and before I went to yoga, it was the same, you know, you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, overstimulated, you need a little space, and you know, you give yourself that present of the moment of being there for yourself, of breathing. I mean, so basic, but um, it was really sweet actually, because I I focus on the breath a lot, actually. It's really important for me. And I noticed that in the past, this has always kind of been a thing for me where I put my hand on my belly and I and I check in with myself. And sometimes when I put my hand on my belly, the air is going in the opposite direction that it should, right? So when I'm breathing in, the belly should rise. And sometimes I find that I'm constraining, that I'm doing it. Other way, and I was uh, you know, I do this quite often, even with my children around. And my daughter had picked this up and she asked me, um, you know, to do it with her, and and so we held the hand. And today she came to me and she said, Mommy, mommy, I was holding, and I noticed I was doing it wrong, so I fixed it, you know, and it was really sweet. I don't know if it, you know, what what the reality was, but it didn't matter because it was really great because she's taking the time for herself to focus in and check in with her body and just starting to notice. And so, even you know, having these patterns or having these check-ins with ourselves are really important, but also sharing them with those around us to help with co-regulation, to help with you know, stress and um the over stimulation of life because there is so much going on in children's lives and our lives that we could all use a little moment to take a deeper breath and take better care.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Yeah, I think this is a wonderful exercise. My mom she also always taught me about breathing. She she really likes kundalini, yoga, and my sister also picked it up for herself, and I also really like it. I think the breath is super powerful, but I think the most important part that you also said is that it's a moment that you take for yourself no matter how long it is. You know, this exercise can be done for a short amount of minutes, but it's something that you do for yourself. It doesn't have to be always a full UR class, it doesn't have to be always like a full hot bathtub, you know, it can also be a hot shower that is just a bit shorter, but it's time for yourself. And uh I think that's the most important part.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

And I think often too, we get to the point of saying, okay, something needs to change. I need to take care of myself when something really strong happens, but you don't have to wait for something like that to jolt you into action. It's important to take care of ourselves all the time because we deserve it. As you said, when a friend comes over and they need you, you are willing to give. But when it's ourselves, why don't we recognize that? And are we able to come to the table and say, Oh, you need me today. I need to show up for you today, and to just take that step. So this is kind of your permission slip to give it to yourself, to go out and give yourself what you need in a small measure every day, every hour, whatever it is, if it's going to get yourself a sip of water, right? If it's permission to book yourself into a yoga class, if it's permission to go for a two-minute walk, you know, to get fresh air, whatever that is, or whatever is accessible to you, if it's taking two minutes to put your hand on your belly and just breathe. Yeah, just breathe.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

I think really this is super powerful too, and something you can implement throughout the day, even like having short breaks at work, you know, you feel a bit overwhelmed. And what you also said is um that you don't have to do it only in the times when you feel it, like, oh now I really need it. You can do it preventative. I think that's for example, me, I'm giving now these workshops on mindful art, and I always see this more as a tool towards art therapy, but it's softer and it's something that you can embed in your daily routine. Some small mindful art exercises that can have a preventative effect on you know nerve regulation, like they are already kind of helping you in order to make sure it's not getting into something big, like in work-related fields. Like I have people struggling with anxiety, for example, you know. So I think taking exercises uh that are yeah, that can be embedded in your daily life somehow, and they don't maybe take too much space, so you you have to have a commitment, but not like ah, okay, now I'm committed, I'm going like for two weeks to a trip, you know, it doesn't have to be like that. Um, it can be small steps too, and I think they do have an effect, maybe smaller, of course, like but still effective. Um, so yeah, I would really encourage everyone to try out different things, you know. Maybe not everything is for everyone, of course. Um, I have also a big balance in sports. I love sports, I know you too going for a run, you know. There you have so many things included as well, like the breathing, powering your body out, making it a bit more tired, you know. It's it's good sometimes to really feel connected to you. Yes, definitely, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

I think I guess for today I would say to find maybe a small thing, for example, breathing, or I would offer a suggestion of a mantra. So don't be afraid of this word if that sounds, you know, like a big idea to you. Um, it can be very simple. Something that you repeat to yourself. Uh, I have this with my family, so we have something that we repeat is a little bit longer, but it can be as simple as I am safe, and you say that to yourself three times. Uh, if you have children, you can say it together. You can take a few deep breaths. In, out, in, out, in, out, and then I am safe, and you give each other a hug, and that's enough.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

I love this, yeah. Yeah, it reminds me of uh also the family of my partner. They when there's important things happening in their lives, they always hold their hands and they breathe together and they they put their thoughts together, and it's similar like to a mantra, and you can yeah, you can start doing this even in the morning, like instead of looking yourself in the mirror like the previous exercise, maybe you wake up and you say three times your mantra and begin the day with something positive, something you manifest for the day, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Yeah, yeah, I am brave, right? If you look in the mirror and if you feel like you need that kind of um yeah, that energy that you want to send to yourself, then then say something, for example, I am brave, or something that that you need, you know, check in with yourself and decide what is it that you need right now to get through this day? What do you need in order to thrive in this day? What is it that you need in order to feel joy in this day? Whatever it is, to send yourself that, right? To look in the mirror, we can use that tool because it is, I think, quite a good tool if we are noticing and making that eye contact with self. It can be quite an interesting experience. So we'll take that previous exercise with a new spin. I love it. Yeah, sounds fun. I will try it tomorrow. Excellent. So keep us posted, and we look forward to hearing from everybody about this exercise, and we'll be in touch soon.